Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
1073 Main Street
Worcester MA 01606
On the web at www.used-tools.com
June 19, 2018
Bargain table is at $6 per item.
Hours this week: Wed-Sat 1-5
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gonjVzcwC50&feature=youtu.be
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble
with one of her more precocious students.
The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he
was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'Y’know I reckon Harry can go to the 3rdgrade'
But Ms. Brooks is still sceptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, 'Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions..'
The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.....’
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets..’ to the Principal’s great relief…..
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open..
Ms.. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
Now the principal's eyes open really wide and before he could intervene, Harry replied,'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question……
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?'
The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher,
" Put the little bastard in 5th-Grade, I got the last seven questions wrong myself..."
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
From 290 East: Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
Tool Shed News copyright 2018 by Jim Whitley