Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at email@example.com if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
1073 Main Street
Worcester MA 01606
On the web at www.used-tools.com
March 27, 2018
Bargain table is at 2 items for $0.25 per item.
Hours this week: Wed-SAT 1-5
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96PrYrlHNqs
Charlie was installing a new door and
found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go
to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go. While she was
waiting for the manager to finish
serving a customer, her eye caught
a beautiful bathroom faucet.
When the manager was finished, Mary
asked him, “how much is that faucet?”
The manager replied, “that's a gold
plated faucet and the price is $500.00.”
Mary exclaimed, “my goodness, that's an
expensive faucet and certainly out
of my price range!”
She then proceeded to describe the
hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in
stock and went into the storeroom to get one.
From the storeroom the manager yelled,
“Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?
Mary shouted back, “no, but I will for the faucet.”
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot .
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while, I got bored being a doctor; so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant; and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am "Just Fred".
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter. In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
by the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
I know, I didn’t see this coming either
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
From 290 East: Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
Tool Shed News copyright 2018 by Jim Whitley