Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at fairwayturf@hotmail.com if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
578 West Boylston Street
Worcester MA 01606
(508) 853-0590
On the web at www.used-tools.com
February 7, 2012
Hi, Gang—
Hours this week are Wed- Saturday 1-5, Thursday 1-7.
• Treasure Island is again loaded up and is priced at $4.
Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVEZceleR1g
Humor Dept:
Thanks RA-Any complaints will be forwarded to him
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack..
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Thanks RA
My Doctor asked me what I do for exercise so I told him about a typical day:
"Yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a deep lake, narrowly escaped from a wild critter in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a mountain through poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and barely escaped an aggressive rattlesnake."
Wow, the Doctor said, "You must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a poor golfer."
Thanks RA
Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another
dog?"
9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
And last, but not least:
12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Insight for living
Marriage is like having cable with just one channel: same thing come on everyday. You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.
My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll die of cancer.
Eighteen is too young to get married. You can't even buy alcohol. If you can't drink, how are you going to make your marriage work?
Some people say the hardest job is marriage. Marriage is not a job; marriage is a hobby. Dating while you're married -- that's a job. I don't want to work that hard. I'm not looking for the overtime.
-- I married Miss Right -- I just didn't know her first name was "Always!"
-- Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
-- I haven't spoken to my wife in nearly 18 months -- I don't want to interrupt her!
-- Some mornings I wake up grouchy, and on others I just let him sleep!
Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it.
He called in the woman and told her that the man had already suffered two heart attacks.
She told the doctor that she didn't care.
The doctor called in the man and told him the woman was suffering from acute angina.
"I know!" he said. "I peeked."
More Aging Jokes »
Thanks for reading, see you soon!
Jim
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 in either direction, take exit 19, which will put you onto Interstate 190 in the direction of Fitchberg. Get off at Exit 1, the first exit(West Boylston Street/Rt. 12/Gold Star boulevard). Go past Greendale Mall(if you turn in, you won't be able to exit easily), go north approximately a mile, you'll pass Meineke Muffler on the right, the Halloween Outlet store on the right, and we're in the next block on the right, directly next to the Subway store. If you get to Quinsigamond College or McDonalds, you've gone too far.
Tool Shed News copyright 2010 by Jim Whitley
Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at fairwayturf@hotmail.com if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
578 West Boylston Street
Worcester MA 01606
(508) 853-0590
On the web at www.used-tools.com
February 7, 2012
Hi, Gang—
Hours this week are Wed- Saturday 1-5, Thursday 1-7.
• Treasure Island is again loaded up and is priced at $4.
Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVEZceleR1g
Humor Dept:
Thanks RA-Any complaints will be forwarded to him
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack..
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Thanks RA
My Doctor asked me what I do for exercise so I told him about a typical day:
"Yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a deep lake, narrowly escaped from a wild critter in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a mountain through poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and barely escaped an aggressive rattlesnake."
Wow, the Doctor said, "You must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a poor golfer."
Thanks RA
Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another
dog?"
9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
And last, but not least:
12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Insight for living
Marriage is like having cable with just one channel: same thing come on everyday. You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.
My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll die of cancer.
Eighteen is too young to get married. You can't even buy alcohol. If you can't drink, how are you going to make your marriage work?
Some people say the hardest job is marriage. Marriage is not a job; marriage is a hobby. Dating while you're married -- that's a job. I don't want to work that hard. I'm not looking for the overtime.
-- I married Miss Right -- I just didn't know her first name was "Always!"
-- Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
-- I haven't spoken to my wife in nearly 18 months -- I don't want to interrupt her!
-- Some mornings I wake up grouchy, and on others I just let him sleep!
Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it.
He called in the woman and told her that the man had already suffered two heart attacks.
She told the doctor that she didn't care.
The doctor called in the man and told him the woman was suffering from acute angina.
"I know!" he said. "I peeked."
Thanks for reading, see you soon!
Jim
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 in either direction, take exit 19, which will put you onto Interstate 190 in the direction of Fitchberg. Get off at Exit 1, the first exit(West Boylston Street/Rt. 12/Gold Star boulevard). Go past Greendale Mall(if you turn in, you won't be able to exit easily), go north approximately a mile, you'll pass Meineke Muffler on the right, the Halloween Outlet store on the right, and we're in the next block on the right, directly next to the Subway store. If you get to Quinsigamond College or McDonalds, you've gone too far.
Tool Shed News copyright 2010 by Jim Whitley
